Self development : My journey uptill now.

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I feel like I have been working on my self my whole conscious life but I started positive work probably in 2015-16 after I became a mother and started working.

I started with the concept of self -love, gratitude, inner peace and tried to make them a part of life as part of yearly resolutions. They did help a bit and set me on a path.

Around 2018 I wanted even more to be better as I was now a mother to two and really feeling the weight of being a good role model. I read books about perfectionism, highly sensitive persons and by the time I got to know I was having a third boy, I started feelimg the pressure to be the major female rolemodel in their lives. And during that time I had even been introduced to the word Ennergram.

So 2019 I started to understand myself a bit more by reading more about enneagram, and a few books about raising boys. Now this journey continues in 2020 and I got to know about Bill and Melinda Gates, Hans Rosling, recently saw 'i am not your guru' and listened to vulnerability talk by Brene Brown (again). Now I am in the phase of thinking that all my actions in major areas of life (parenting, marriage, health, work, religion) are just driven by shame, guilt or fear. I am willing to find out how I can live in peace by doing these things for 'good' reasons. Because I want to, I love to, not because I have to, I must, etc.

 Right now I am translating it in a way that I want to show up and dare to be imperfect. I want to do things with kids and spouse, be healthy, pray more, apply for jobs with confidence. And not let the fear of failing, not being good enough, of being judged stop me. I will try to do these things without needing to know beforehand that they will be perfect. With the expectation that I might fail. But at least I won't have to regret not trying.

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