Pregnancy and Pakistan
It's the best feeling in the world to feel a little human being squirming and kicking inside your tummy. It is definitely the closest two humans can get and thus the mother-child bond needs no further explanation. I am in absolute awe. In fact I even feel betrayed, about no one ever telling me in the past 26 years of my life that there is something in this world as wonderful as being pregnant and expecting your offspring.
Why don't people talk about it in Pakistan? Or is it just that I was not fortunate enough to have this kind of company? Why is it a bad thing to talk about pregnancy, and the only acceptable part seems to be the accounts of morning sickness, back pain, horrible experiences of childbirth, the woes of cesarean section, the exponential weight gain and tummy pouches you get with each additional child you make, and the worst your life is the more kids you have. All I understand about these conversations between new moms is each one's desire to prove that her experience was the worst of all, that all who have no vomiting and an easy birth are 'lucky', anyone who doesn't complain about pregnancy or childbirth probably had an easy time. The accounts of the elderly ladies often would revolve around how difficult they had it in their times, with lesser facilities, more housework, and more number of children, and still they would complain less than the new generation mothers who presumably have it very easy due to availability of maids for household chores, more co-operative mother-in-laws, hospital births and so on. The best girl according to some would be the one who never complains and is successful at hiding her belly till the last moment, who is working as normal to the very end and then is back to household chores as early as humanly possible.
Also, I got the impression that most people who have large families have them because they are struggling for a boy for example, and apparently it has nothing to do with the joy of having more kids (that's just the impression' I get, people love their kids of course). I also felt like there is a general concept that people with less kids will have more to offer to them than those with more. This is most probably due to the economic situation in general, but I would still expect better basic concepts in an Islamic country like Pakistan.
I have never heard any woman talk about how amazing it is to miss your period and getting a positive test (even if you've not been struggling with any fertility issues, it's still ultra-special), watching your little world on an ultrasound for the first time and every time thereafter, how crazy awesome it is to have a little child knocking at your belly from the inside, how precious it is to feel like you're never alone, how special to hi-five with your little one in the late hours of night after a long day when everyone else is sleeping. Why has no one ever told me that it is a privilege to watch your tummy grow day by day, that you feel proud of it, instead of just trying to hide it as a shameful thing. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that you fall hopelessly in love with your husband every time he touches your belly and talks about the baby, when he is in the process of becoming a parent just as much as you are.
I'm not sure of the reason we in Pakistan have an ever evolving culture of complaining and lamenting about whatever situation we're in. Where are the "sabr", "shukr", "qana'at" and all those wonderful things we are taught? All I can say is that it's not helpful for the young generation to hide from them the simple beauties of married life and parenthood. We need to talk about these experiences as explicitly as they show the lame love and life stories in present day media, which are often far from true.
Why don't people talk about it in Pakistan? Or is it just that I was not fortunate enough to have this kind of company? Why is it a bad thing to talk about pregnancy, and the only acceptable part seems to be the accounts of morning sickness, back pain, horrible experiences of childbirth, the woes of cesarean section, the exponential weight gain and tummy pouches you get with each additional child you make, and the worst your life is the more kids you have. All I understand about these conversations between new moms is each one's desire to prove that her experience was the worst of all, that all who have no vomiting and an easy birth are 'lucky', anyone who doesn't complain about pregnancy or childbirth probably had an easy time. The accounts of the elderly ladies often would revolve around how difficult they had it in their times, with lesser facilities, more housework, and more number of children, and still they would complain less than the new generation mothers who presumably have it very easy due to availability of maids for household chores, more co-operative mother-in-laws, hospital births and so on. The best girl according to some would be the one who never complains and is successful at hiding her belly till the last moment, who is working as normal to the very end and then is back to household chores as early as humanly possible.
Also, I got the impression that most people who have large families have them because they are struggling for a boy for example, and apparently it has nothing to do with the joy of having more kids (that's just the impression' I get, people love their kids of course). I also felt like there is a general concept that people with less kids will have more to offer to them than those with more. This is most probably due to the economic situation in general, but I would still expect better basic concepts in an Islamic country like Pakistan.
I have never heard any woman talk about how amazing it is to miss your period and getting a positive test (even if you've not been struggling with any fertility issues, it's still ultra-special), watching your little world on an ultrasound for the first time and every time thereafter, how crazy awesome it is to have a little child knocking at your belly from the inside, how precious it is to feel like you're never alone, how special to hi-five with your little one in the late hours of night after a long day when everyone else is sleeping. Why has no one ever told me that it is a privilege to watch your tummy grow day by day, that you feel proud of it, instead of just trying to hide it as a shameful thing. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that you fall hopelessly in love with your husband every time he touches your belly and talks about the baby, when he is in the process of becoming a parent just as much as you are.
I'm not sure of the reason we in Pakistan have an ever evolving culture of complaining and lamenting about whatever situation we're in. Where are the "sabr", "shukr", "qana'at" and all those wonderful things we are taught? All I can say is that it's not helpful for the young generation to hide from them the simple beauties of married life and parenthood. We need to talk about these experiences as explicitly as they show the lame love and life stories in present day media, which are often far from true.
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