My place on the www

After Eid and reading a little book about LCHF I was feeling quite pumped. So when I got the inspiration to spend Eid money on a sports bra and then a chance arose to create a buddy system with a friend who lives nearby, I jumped on it. We became friends on MyFitnessPal and began counting calories and pepping each other up. I am feeling very positive and looking forward to fitting into some nice clothes of mine.

I did not realize my perfectionism was affecting my parenting and relationship with kids so much. I also recently realized I might have anxiety (GAD) rather than panic in attack form. My tiredness, bowl movements, muscle pain and exhaustion might be dependent on this one thing. I caught myself saying: It is so special to love someone without ever have seen them. I said this about pregnancy but it got me that it might be true for relationship with God as well. It's easy to understand the love and the relationship by having something to relate to. 

I am at my highest ever weight of 82 kgs right now. A BMI of 29.9. Need to lose at least 10 kgs to look and dress normal. And then an additional 10-12 kgs to get into good shape, feel lighter and be more active with kids.  It is always easy to find excuses. But I have to say I am so scared of all the diseases I will get after this. I feel sick thinking about atherosclerosis. I'm also very discouraged by the fact that metabolism will slow down drastically after 40 and then progressively after that. Still I don't think I convince myself with a good reason. Or I would be on it already. It seems like I'm not convinced myself somehow.